His Woman, His Wife, His Widow Page 18

  Since Shauntae’s birth, Shaun hasn’t taken one out-of-town trip. He rarely even leaves the house. He feeds her, bathes her, changes her, and he allows me to get my well needed rest. He has even started ignoring Rhonda. He brings Sha’Ron to our house to spend time with him so he won’t have to be away from home everyday. On the few occasions he does leave for business, he is never gone for more than a few hours at a time. He has also promised me that someday in the not too distant future, he is going to give up the drug game for good and invest his money into some legitimate enterprises. I love it, I love it, I love it.

  I guess I should be a little envious. I’ve asked Shaun to cut back and spend more time with me over and over again. My pleas have continually gone unanswered. But the moment ‘another woman’ enters the picture, he’s all in to stay at home. I am only kidding. I think it’s so wonderful he’s willing to put our daughter first.

  As Shauntae lay asleep in my arms, the doorbell rang. I was all the way upstairs in our bedroom, and this was one of the rare occasions Shaun was away from home. I reluctantly put my daughter in her bassinet to go downstairs to answer the ringing doorbell. I gave my baby a peck on the cheek, letting her know I would miss her for the brief moment I would be away. Life was so wonderful right now. God was surely blessing me in a big way.

  I knew it was either Mama or Shyanne ringing the bell. Mama had been by practically every day, and Shyanne was here whenever she was home from school. Heck, Mama even put aside her dislike for Shaun just so she could come to our house and spend time with her first grandbaby. Knowing it was one of them, I almost neglected to check the peek hole. But with Shaun in the line of work that he was in, I erred on the side of caution and double checked.

  No amount of preparation, time, or forewarning could have prepared me to see the face staring back at me from the other side of the door. I was so stunned I took a second and third look to be sure that my eyes were not playing tricks on me.

  In a last ditch effort to reassure myself, I opened the front door. Still there she stood. Keva, it seemed, since she was no longer fat from her pregnancy, was even prettier than the first time I saw her. I was so surprised she was at my house, on my doorstep that I was unable to put two words together. I just stood there staring. Keva was the first to break the thick ice of silence.

  “Can I come in and talk to you for a moment please?” she asked in a monotone voice. No passion, no flare, like she showed up on folks’ porches and shocked the heck out of them for a living.

  “Why?” Hearing her voice gave me back the power of speech.

  “It’s a very long story. I would appreciate not having to go through it all out here on your front porch.”

  “How did you know where I lived?” I asked as if I didn’t hear her response to my first question.

  “Lindsay, look. I would really like to talk to you before Shaun comes home. It would be a lot easier if you just let me in. I promise I’m not here to start anything. I just think there are some things you need to know that I’m sure you don’t know.”

  It was not until she shifted the baby in her arms that I realized that she had it with her. It was cold outside, so I stepped aside and allowed her entrance into my home. As she bent to retrieve the baby’s diaper bag, I remembered two other things. She knew Shaun was not at home, and she called me Lindsay.

  “Keva, don’t call me Lindsay. It’s either Nay or Nay-Nay. How did you know Shaun wasn’t here?”

  “Because he left my house about thirty minutes ago. He said he was going to run by a couple of his spots, then he was going to visit his mom and take Sha’Ron shopping. I figured that would take up the remainder of the afternoon; providing he wasn’t lying like he has been lately.”

  Okay, what the—?

  I remained standing while Keva made herself comfortable on my sofa and removed the baby’s outerwear. Once the baby was out of the snowsuit, I discovered she had a little boy. He was dressed totally in blue. I walked to the front of the sofa to get a good look at him. He was very handsome, almost as pretty as my daughter. They had the same jet black curly hair, the same green eyes and ... No! It could not be. Please, God, let it not be so.

  I fell more than sat on the couch right next to Keva who was holding the baby in her lap. I got so close to the baby’s face that Keva had to pull her son away. “Exactly!” was all she said.

  I stared at Keva, my eyes begging for her to say she was joking. I closed my eyes, praying to God to let it be April first and not the middle of January. But when I opened my eyes, she was still sitting in my living room, on my sofa, holding my daughter’s half-brother.

  “How old is your baby?” I asked.

  “Six months.”

  “How long have you been having sex with my man?” I didn’t raise my voice, but my tone was laced with venom and hate. Yes! I hated Keva and her baby for walking into my home, into my life, disrupting the peace and perfection I enjoyed not a full five minutes before she showed up.

  “Shaun and I started messing around about two years ago.”

  I wanted to choke Keva. I wanted to scream at her. Tell her she was lying. There was no way Shaun would do this to me. Not the Shaun I was with now; definitely not the Shaun I was with two years ago. But I couldn’t. Keva brought the evidence with her for me to see with my own stupid eyes. Had her son not been with her, I would have beaten the stuffing out of her for causing me all this agony. The hostility was written all over my face. Keva began her explanation with an apology.

  “I’m sorry, Lindsay.” Before she could utter another word my left eyebrow shot up in warning. She corrected herself. “Sorry about that. Shaun calls you Lindsay, so that is the only name I know.”

  It burned my ears and my heart to hear that she and Shaun discussed me while they were having their illicit little affair. Suddenly my townhouse became very warm. I moved from the sofa to a chair to put some space between Keva and myself in hopes of getting some much needed air.

  “Like I was saying, I’m sorry for coming here like this, but I’m tired of Shaun’s lies. He’s been lying to me, and he’s obviously been lying to you.”

  “Why did you decide to come to talk to me today? Why didn’t you tell me this when I asked you at your job that day? Why would you sleep with him if you knew he was mine?” With each question my voice rose. I was yelling when I asked the last one.

  Keva picked up her son as he started to whimper, probably reacting to my anger. It was then that I remembered that my own daughter was sleeping. I decided to remain calm for her sake. I took a few deep breaths, letting my face rest in the palms of my hands for a few seconds. When I again raised my head, Keva restarted her explanation.

  “I met Shaun through his sister, Francine, when I was sixteen years old. She and I were friends from high school. I had a crush on him from the moment I first laid eyes on him, back when he and Rhonda were living together in Patricia’s house. I didn’t let that stop me from flirting with him or begging Frannie to hook me up with him. I was digging him strong, but for the most part, he didn’t even realize I was alive.”

  Keva checked her son and saw that he had fallen asleep. She lay the baby down on the couch before she finished her story. “By the time I found out he and Rhonda were no longer together, he was already with you, so I just gave up. I started dating a guy in our neighborhood named David. Soon after we got together, I moved in with him.

  “One night after I had come in from being out with Frannie, David accused me of cheating on him with Shaun. He said I only spent time with Frannie to be close to Shaun. I guess I still had it pretty bad for him and my boyfriend apparently picked up on the vibe.

  “In the heat of the argument I told David the truth; I would rather be with Shaun than him. I informed David that I only settled for him because I couldn’t have Shaun. I humiliated him, and for that I was rewarded with a major beat down. I left the house immediately after the fight, and ran straight to Frannie’s house. Shaun was there, demanding to know who beat me up.
After I told him it was David, he, Frannie and I went back to my house to get my things. Shaun confronted David and told him if he ever put his hands on me again, he would kill him”

  I was so into Keva’s story I almost didn’t hear my daughter’s cries through the baby monitor in the living room. It was her feeding time. I excused myself to check on Shauntae.

  For some reason, I didn’t want to take my daughter anywhere near Keva and her son. I couldn’t explain it, but I was uncomfortable having Shauntae in the same room with them. My curiosity over Keva and Shaun’s relationship overrode the discomfort, however. I went back downstairs, prepared Shauntae’s bottle, then went back to the living room to feed her. Once I settled in the chair, Keva came to look at my child. Her reaction to our children’s resemblance was pretty close to my own.

  “She’s a very pretty little girl. They both look just like Shaun.” Keva returned to her seat on the sofa and resumed her story.

  “Shaun and Frannie took me home to my mother’s house. During the drive, he kept telling me I was too pretty to be with any fool who would hit me. He made me promise I would not go back to David no matter how many times he promised he would never hit me again. My teenage crush on Shaun turned into full blown love that night, but it only served to break my heart because I knew he was with you.”

  How I remained composed and outwardly unmoved by Keva’s story was far beyond even my own comprehension. On the inside I was slowly and painfully dying. It killed me to listen to another female sit and talk to me about being so in love with the same man I loved so dearly. I attributed my calmness to having my daughter in my arms. It made me give the institution of motherhood an even deeper level of respect. What I really wanted to do was yank all of Keva’s pretty hair out, but I sat quietly feeding, then burping my child and let her finish her story.

  “Even though I knew Shaun had a woman, I couldn’t help wanting to be with him. So for the next three weeks, I went to see Frannie everyday at the same time, after figuring out the time Shaun would be there visiting Sha’Ron. Frannie realized what was up and she helped me by making it possible for her, her son, Daiquan, Sha’Ron, Shaun, and I to do little things together. I assumed Shaun looked at me like another little sister, so he didn’t mind me hanging out with them. I was unconcerned with his feelings for me as long as I was allowed to be near him.”

  I was not the least bit surprised that Francine would help Shaun cheat on me. From day one, I knew Francine and I would never be friends. I never understood why; I never cared one way or the other. But she was now on my list as public enemy number two. I put her status aside for the time being while I continued to concentrate on number one’s explanation.

  “After three weeks of us all hanging out and having fun, I discovered I was pregnant by David. Once again I freaked out and ran to Frannie for comfort and advice, but Shaun informed me that she wasn’t home. I instead poured out my misery to Shaun, explaining that I was not ready to have a baby, but I couldn’t afford to pay for an abortion. Shaun told me not to worry. He said he would pay for the abortion so I wouldn’t have to go to David for the money. He and Frannie went with me a couple of days later to have the procedure done.”

  My already strained heart snapped at that moment, breaking into a million pieces. How could he do such an intimate favor for another woman? I understood at this point in the story no actual cheating had taken place. However, this prelude gave indication that when the cheating did start, it would be more than just a physical affair. I began to get the impression that their liaison would be emotional as well.

  The tears that built in my heart sprang into my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for Keva to see me cry. In an effort to shield my eyes, I looked down at my daughter. She had fallen back asleep so I used that as an excuse to leave the room.

  “I’m going to lay my daughter down,” was all I said. I left the room heading upstairs, the water from my eyes wetting Shauntae’s receiving blanket.

  After I laid Shauntae down I went into the bathroom and cried for five minutes. I hadn’t given Keva any indication that I would return to hear the rest of the painful story. I wasn’t honestly sure if I could. I almost hoped she would just leave so I didn’t have to hear the rest of the mess. However, I knew I would always wonder how they ended up sleeping together. So I dried my eyes, gathered my courage and went back downstairs. Keva was still there waiting to finish shredding the illusion I had of my wonderful relationship before she showed up on my doorstep.

  I sat down with full comprehension that I no longer had Shauntae to act as a buffer, keeping me from attacking Keva when she started to tell the worst parts of the story. I silently prayed for God to give me strength to at least allow her the opportunity to get it all out before I started to choke her.

  “Finish,” I commanded.

  “It was right after the abortion that my relationship with Shaun began to change from big brother-little sister to friends with a mutual attraction. I remember it as if it were yesterday. On the day after the procedure, Shaun called me at my mother’s house. He said he just wanted to check on me to make sure I was feeling okay.” Keva then began her tour, taking me back to the beginning of her and Shaun’s relationship ...

  “After I told him I was okay, he asked if we could hook up sometime, minus Frannie and the kids. I asked about you and he asked me if it bothered him that he had already had a girlfriend.” Keva turned her eyes away from me for a second when she said, “I told him that I was only asking to be courteous. If it didn’t bother him, it didn’t bother me.” She looked back at me. “And it was on from there. Shaun and I saw each other practically every day. With each new day I fell more and more in love with him. He made me feel like it was more than just a sex thing because we spent more than a month together hanging out before we ever actually had sex.”

  Now we were getting to the part I dreaded hearing most. I closed my eyes to block out the images of Shaun and Keva locked in several different sexual positions. Those images obviously managed to enter my brain via some other orifice because they were all I could see.

  The two of them had an ongoing relationship for more than two years. They were friends, then lovers, and now the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy. It all happened right under my stupid, naïve nose. I know I had my suspicions, but this was more than I could have imagined. It was now my turn to talk. I needed some flippin’ answers.

  “Why should I believe anything you’ve said to me? How do I know you’re not making this whole story up?” The questions were dumb even to my own ears, but I didn’t know where else to start.

  “You know I’m telling the truth. You’ve suspected it since the first time you saw me. You can see with your own two eyes this is Shaun’s son. What logical reason would I have for creating such a story?”

  Keva spoke with no animosity in her voice, at least not any toward me. I felt myself relaxing and letting go of some of the hate. After all, I am a rational Christian woman. The person I should fault right now was Shaun, not her, although she did enter into a relationship with him knowing he and I were together.

  “Why were you so willing to accept being the other woman? You’re a pretty girl. Didn’t you think you could get your own man?”

  Keva took her time answering this question. I guess I had made her feel inadequate with the implication that she warranted nothing better than second hand love.

  “At first it didn’t matter to me that I was the other woman. I was so crazy about Shaun I was more than willing to share him. I was happy just to have a piece of him. But as time went on, I stopped thinking about it like that. Like I said, I saw him almost every day. We spent our time together at his mother’s house with Sha’Ron. He was there for me whenever I needed him. I started feeling like I was his main woman, and you were the outsider.”

  Now it was my turn to feel insufficient. I thought Shaun was actually working during the time he spent away from home. I was angry, but I believed Shaun when he said he was out all the time pu
tting things together so he could get out of the business. I was so humiliated by my dumbness, this time I didn’t bother checking my tears. I just let them flow. I cried my way right through my next question.

  “Has Shaun ... Has Shaun ever told you ... he loved you?” I sniffled out.

  Again Keva contemplated her answer. For the first time since she entered my house I saw her show sadness. Strangely, this gave me comfort.

  “No!”

  Keva’s answer had opposite effects on both of us. While her reply made me happier than any time since she had been here, she began to cry. This time it was Keva who fought through the tears to continue the story.

  “The day I found out I was pregnant by Shaun was the absolute best, yet one of the worst days of my life all rolled into one. I was thrilled to find out I was carrying his child. I knew this information would be all I needed to make him mine for good.

  “Normally Shaun would pick me up once he left here going to his mother’s house, but I was so exited after learning I was pregnant, I went straight from the clinic to Patricia’s house by cab. I called Shaun on his cell phone to let him know he didn’t have to come get me. I told him to hurry though because I had a surprise for him.”

  Her recollection took me back to the day I rushed over to Patricia’s house with the same surprise; the first time I saw Keva. At that point she was already seriously involved with my man and pregnant with my daughter’s half brother. Hindsight was kicking in like a mug.

  “Shaun and I were in the basement where he kept his little apartment at his mother’s house. We had just finished having sex, and I was still beaming with my secret I hadn’t yet shared with him. I lay there smiling from ear to ear. Shaun, in his arrogance, assumed it was because the sex was so good.” Keva then resumed telling me, practically verbatim, her and Shaun’s conversation. . .