His Woman, His Wife, His Widow Page 16

  As I wiggled from behind our booth, I caught a glimpse of one of the waitresses coming on duty. Something about her was very familiar. Then it suddenly hit me who she was. I stopped mid-step.

  Shyanne ran right into the back of me and stumbled, nearly losing her balance. “Nay, what’s wrong with you? Why did you stop like that?”

  “Do you see that waitress over there behind the counter with the long hair? That’s Keva.”

  “Who, the pregnant girl?” I didn’t even bother answering Shyanne. I just put my stalled feet in motion and marched right over to the counter where Keva stood.

  “Hello, Keva. Do you remember me?” By the time I reached the counter she was bending, putting something away. She lifted her head slightly to look at me then turned away again before she answered.

  “No,” she said, but it was obvious she was lying.

  I had not thought much about Keva since the first time I saw her, but seeing her again today stirred something in my spirit. Seeing her in what looked to be the latter stages of her pregnancy brought back to my memory the day I accused Shaun of cheating with her.

  “Oh, but I think you do remember me. Francine’s brother Shaun is my man. I want to know if that is his baby you’re carrying?” I’d raised my voice at this point. Everyone in the restaurant stared at us bug-eyed after my question, including Shyanne who had made her way to the counter by now.

  “Look, stupid little girl, don’t come on my job starting mess with me because you can’t control your relationship.”

  She had the dirty nerve to say that and then walk away from me as if there was the slightest possibility I was going to let her get away with it.

  I waited for her to come from behind the counter, then I lunged at her. However, before I could make contact, Shyanne grabbed my arm, yanking me backward. “Nay-Nay what is wrong with you? Even if we excuse the fact that this chick is pregnant; did you forget you are too?”

  I became more enraged when Shyanne grabbed my arm and started yelling at me. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t on my side. “Let go of me, Shy. I want to know if she’s sleeping with Shaun. She’s going to tell me or take a beat down for trying to keep it from me.”

  While Shyanne and I stood there arguing with each other, Keva took advantage of the distraction and hurled a napkin holder at me, hitting me in the shoulder. I snatched away from Shyanne with all my might and went after Keva again. But again, Shyanne somehow managed to stop me. However, this time my girlfriend went into action. As soon as she had me safely out of arms reach, Shyanne swung around and punched Keva square in the face, knocking her on her butt.

  Keva made an attempt to get off the floor, but her big belly made it troublesome. “Listen, tramp. I’ve stopped her once; I’ve stopped her twice. If you come after her again, I’m letting her loose, and I promise we will put a beat down unreal on you.”

  During the commotion, a man I assumed to be the manager came from the back to find out what was going on. The moment he saw Keva on the floor, he immediately started to yell at Shyanne and me.

  “Hey, I don’t know what happened out here and I don’t want to know. I just want you two out of here before I call mall security,” he screamed as he helped Keva to her feet.

  Shyanne grabbed our bags. Then she grabbed me by the arm, dragging me out of the restaurant. I was protesting every step of the way though. I still wanted a piece of Ms. Keva.

  “Wait, Shy! Let me go! She still hasn’t told me whether or not that’s Shaun’s baby she’s pregnant with or if the two of them are sleeping together.” Shyanne paid my protest no never mind. She continued to push me out of the restaurant.

  “Stop it, Nay. First of all, you are pregnant so you are not about to fight with anybody. Secondly, I’m not about to stand around here and let you get me arrested over some stupid mess. We are in the freaking suburbs now; not Detroit. These white people don’t give a hot ham sandwich about who you think your man is sleeping with. All they care about is putting our black behinds in jail.”

  With that said, I calmed down somewhat and walked out of the restaurant on my own accord. I was still fuming even after we got in the car. I guess Shyanne was too. Before I could back the Jeep out of our parking spot, she let me have it with both barrels.

  “What got into you back there? Why would you go off like that without even considering your baby’s health? Couldn’t you for once think about somebody besides your stupid boyfriend? Do you really think I’ve got time to spend locked up in a jail cell? What makes you think she’s pregnant by Shaun?” She fired the questions typical Shyanne style. When I opened my mouth in an attempt to answer, she cut me off, which was good because I had no idea what I was supposed to say.

  “Just shut up, and take me home. I don’t even want to hear it.”

  I pulled from the parking space heading for her house. Not another word was spoken for the entire ride. I had hoped Shyanne would have calmed down by the time we made it to her house. When she attempted to get out of the car without saying anything to me, I knew she was still angry. I realized then that I owed her an apology.

  “Shy, wait. I’m sorry about the way I acted at the mall. When I saw Keva in the restaurant all swollen and pregnant, all the hurt I felt the day I first saw the two of them together came rushing back to me. When I looked at her, all I could see was her and Shaun in bed together having sex. I simply lost it.” Just sitting there saying it out loud to my best friend brought back the pain, and I started to cry.

  Shyanne got back in the car and rubbed my back while I let the tears flow. We sat in the car for about two minutes. “Come in the house, Nay. I’ll get you some juice. We can talk some more in my bedroom.”

  Shyanne still lived at home with her parents. Jamo, her boyfriend, offered to get them a place together, but she declined. She didn’t want to live with a man she was not married to. He then offered to get her a place of her own so they could at least spend more time together without all the rules and curfews. Jamo worked pretty closely with Shaun, so he had money like that. But again, she said no. Shyanne refused to be dependent on any man other than her daddy.

  I used to wonder if Shyanne was trying to tell me something when she commented on not being dependent on anyone other than Mr. Kennedy. My girlfriend had always been straightforward with me, so I knew that if she had a problem with my living arrangement, she would have said so. Shaun was the only man I could depend on, so I didn’t have the same options that she did.

  Once we were settled in Shyanne’s bedroom, me lying on the bed positioned on my side, her rubbing my back, she got serious on me. I knew it was going to be a critical conversation because she addressed me by my first name.

  “Lindsay, listen to me. Hear me out totally before you answer, okay?” I agreed and she began. “You know I love you like a sister. There is no one in the world that I’m closer to than you. For those reasons I feel I can say what needs to be said.” Shyanne took a deep breath, then lay down on the bed beside me. She stared at the ceiling for a few moments before she resumed talking.

  “Why are you with Shaun, Nay? Like I said, let me finish before you attempt to answer. I want you to think about what I’m saying while I’m talking. I get the feeling you’re just holding onto memories from your beginning with him. I have never seen you so unhappy. You’re always complaining about him never spending any time with you and about him always putting everything and everybody ahead of you. After that horrible scene at the mall, it’s obvious you don’t trust him anymore. I mean I thought that whole thing with him and Keva was resolved between the two of you.”

  Shyanne then sat and positioned herself Indian style in the center of her bed, giving the impression of meditating before she continued to talk. I don’t know what they were teaching my girlfriend in school, but I was definitely noticing a change in her. It was all for the good.

  After sitting and thinking for a couple of seconds, she continued talking. “You seem as if you’ve lost yourself. You’ve revolved your whole
life around Shaun. There’s no room left for Nay-Nay. You’re about to be a mother, and because Shaun isn’t your husband, the baby has to come first. Yet you neglected to think about your baby when you wanted to fight Keva. Nay, I was so disappointed in you.”

  Shyanne and I always had the type of relationship that allowed us to be no holds barred with one another. Today my girlfriend was letting loose, straight up no-chaser.

  “There used to be a time when I was envious of your relationship. Not jealous because you had it, I just wanted the same thing you had. But if being in love with someone makes you act this nutty, you can keep it. My biggest question is this: do you think he still loves you?”

  I guess lecturing me tired her out because once she was done, Shyanne lay back on the bed next to me. I had heard every word, every syllable my best friend said. While her words stung my heart, I knew they were only intended to help me. I continued to lay there for a moment, quiet as a church mouse. I had no real clue how to respond to her very sensible questions.

  Then as I shifted positions getting ready to sit up, I felt a big thump in my belly. I was unsure of what it was at first, then I felt it again, realizing it was the baby moving and kicking. I became so excited.

  “Shy, here; put your hand on my stomach.” I grabbed her hand and placed it on my belly. At first there was nothing, but just as we were about to give up, my little girl moved around again. It was then that I knew the answer to Shyanne’s question.

  “Oh, Shyanne. At first I wasn’t even sure I could answer you. I didn’t know what to say. Everything you said made so much sense. But when I felt my daughter, our daughter moving inside of me, it all became clear.” I began crying again before I could go on, but I didn’t let that stop me. I had to make Shyanne understand what I was feeling.

  “None of this may make sense to you, Shy, because you’ve never walked in my shoes. You’ve never been in love. Everyone you’ve ever dated has been expendable to you. You don’t know what it’s like to depend on a man for your happiness because you’ve never had to. Your dad has been all the man you ever needed. He’s never left you or deserted you. He has always cherished you the way a father is supposed to cherish his baby girl.” I was sobbing now, but I didn’t let it deter me.

  “I have never had any man care for me in that way. My grandpa died when I was too young to remember him. My own father abandoned Kevin and me like we were nothing. In all the years since my daddy’s disappearance, I’d convinced myself that it wasn’t important to me, that it didn’t bother me one bit because my mom and grandma gave me more than enough love. It wasn’t until just now, after hearing you lecture me about my relationship, that I realized how unworthy I have felt all these years.”

  My eyes burned, my face was red and swollen, and my heart felt as if it would explode. I was now experiencing an emotional pain greater than any I had ever felt.

  Shyanne was crying now also. We were both too caught up in our own misery to comfort each other. I calmed myself as best I could and continued to make my point.

  “Then Shaun came into my life. He gave me all the love my daddy never gave me. He made me feel like I was supposed to be loved and taken care of by a man. Despite his actions and all the complaining I do about him, I know Shaun still loves me. I know it because I couldn’t take it if another man stopped loving me. Even though things aren’t great between us, I have to stick this out. I never want my daughter to experience any of what I’m feeling right now. I never want her to have to depend on another man for her happiness because her own father was not around for her.”

  I was exhausted when I was done explaining myself. I curled up as much as my pregnant belly would allow me to and stared off in space. I lay there wallowing in misery as I thought about the pain my father’s disappearance caused; how I never realized it until now.

  Shyanne lay down next to me, wrapped her arms around me, and spoke words that I would carry in my heart forever. “Nay, I never knew how badly you hurt over your father’s leaving. I’m sorry. I can only imagine how painful that is because if anything ever happened to my daddy, it would tear me apart. But Nay, even though I would never stop missing him, I would eventually stop hurting. I know that because God would make sure of it. He would dry my tears and ease my pain, just like He will do for you if you allow Him to. Now that you have opened up to Him about how much it hurt you for your daddy to leave, just pray about it, and soon it won’t hurt anymore.”

  Shyanne continued to hold me as she made a vow that I knew would be the truest words I would ever hear. “Nay, as long as I’m alive, I promise I will never leave you.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  November 1996

  “I wonder how much snow is going to fall before it stops, Mama. We don’t usually get this much snow so early in the season. It’s still two weeks before Thanksgiving,” I said as I stared out the window from Mama’s kitchen.

  “I know. If it doesn’t stop soon, we’ll need skis to get you to the hospital if you go into labor,” she replied.

  I’d been staying with my mother since yesterday. Shaun had to leave town on one of Uncle Bobby’s emergencies. For the first time since I’ve known him, he and Mama actually agreed on something. They both felt I should stay with Mama just in case I went into labor even though my due date was not until the day after Thanksgiving.

  “We could always just bounce Blimpo over to the hospital,” Kevin added. He had been teasing me about being so big every minute of every hour of every day I had been here. It was just like the days of old when we all actually lived here together. I was really enjoying it.

  “Oooooor,” I dragged out, “I could climb in one of your gym shoes. With one good shove, I’d be there in no time you big-foot Bozo,” I replied. Mama had to laugh at that one.

  “Whatever, Hilda Hippopotamus. When is Shaun coming home? We can’t afford to keep feeding you. I’m scared that when we run out of food, you’re going to start eating the dishes, Myrna Moose.”

  “What do you mean we can’t afford? You ain’t got a raggedy dime to your pitiful name, Broke Benny. And I would rather be pregnant and look like a moose than not be pregnant and still look like a one-eyed wildebeest ... like your girlfriend.”

  K.J. and I traded insults for a few minutes more. Mama stood in the background laughing at us. I could tell she was getting nostalgic.

  “It’s so good to have both my children together in my home again. I didn’t realize how much I missed you living here until now, Nay-Nay. Since K.J.’s a high school senior, come this time next year he will be away at college.” Mama leaned back against the counter at the sink and suddenly started to cry.

  Kevin and I looked at each other confused at first, then we smiled as we realized how blessed we were to have a mother that cared so much about us. K.J. helped me up from my seat at the window, and we went to embrace Mama together.

  “Don’t cry, Mommy. No matter where we are we’ll never be more than a phone call away. Besides, isn’t this what you’ve worked so hard for all these years? Now you can finally relax and take care of yourself for a change,” I told her as K.J. rubbed her back and I wiped her tears. We finally got her to stop crying. Then we all sat down at the kitchen table.

  “Anyway Ma, the likelihood of K.J. actually getting into an out-of-state college is very slim. He’s too dumb. We will be lucky if he even graduates high school on time.”

  Kevin countered with, “When Nay has the baby, you’ll have to start all over again. From the moment the baby gets a look at her ugly mama, she’ll start to cry so loudly that Shaun won’t be able to stand the noise. They’ll have to give the baby to you to raise.”

  Mama was now crying tears of laughter. “You two are a mess. You’re worse than Thelma and J.J. on Good Times. Do you remember that show?”

  “Yes, and speaking of old shows, guess what I saw on TV the other day? Child’s Play with Chucky. I love that movie,” Kevin reminisced.

  “You didn’t always love it. I remember the first ti
me we saw it at the movies. You came home and threw away your My Buddy doll and slept in my bed for two days,” I reminded him.

  “Why you gotta be bringing up old stuff, Nay-Nay?” Kevin said in his Chris Tucker imitation. We all laughed at his silliness.

  “Speaking of old stuff, Nay, do you remember your first day of kindergarten? K.J., you were only two so I’m sure you can’t recall this, but on your sister’s first day of kindergarten, we all walked over to the school together.”

  “Oh, I remember,” I interrupted.

  “No, Nay! Let me tell the story. After I was all done talking to your sister’s teacher and giving Nay a few last minute instructions, you and I got ready to leave. You yelled to your sister in your little baby voice, ‘Come on, Nay. We go bye-bye. ’ I tried to explain that Nay was staying at school and we would pick her up later. But again you repeated, ‘Come on, Nay. We go bye-bye.’ I decided to ignore you and explain it more on the way home, but you were not having it. You started hollering at the top of your lungs, refusing to leave without Nay-Nay. You ran over to her desk and threw your arms around her neck. You wouldn’t let go.”

  “Yeah. I probably still have the bruises on my neck,” I laughed.

  “What happened next?” K.J. asked, wanting to hear the rest of the story.

  “Mama tried everything to get you to leave,” I said. “She attempted to leave without you, hoping you would follow her, but instead you plopped your little butt in my lap and waved bye. She even threatened to spank you, but you would not budge.”

  Mama took over. “Finally Nay’s teacher decided to let you stay for the day. But little did she know it would end up being three days in a row you would act like that. On the fourth day, I got your granny to come over early and sit with you while I walked Nay to school alone.”

  “Even then, Granny had to take you to the basement so we could sneak out without you seeing Mama and me leave,” I concluded.