His Woman, His Wife, His Widow Read online

  I sped away from the parking lot burning rubber. I was enraged. I didn’t give Shaun a backward glance nor did I care how he got home.

  I guess I didn’t care if he knew I was pregnant or not either because in all the commotion, I surely forgot to tell him.

  Chapter Eleven

  I was still so furious when I got home that it took me at least five minutes to get my key in the lock to open the front door. Once inside, I stomped around, yelling and cursing to myself, punching and throwing sofa pillows around the house. I couldn’t believe Shaun was actually cheating on me. After stubbing my toe for the fourth time, I figured it was time to sit down and try to think things through carefully.

  Here I sit, pregnant, not even sure if Shaun and I are going to make it. The last thing I need is to have to raise a baby by myself. And even worse, what if I turned out to be hard and cold like Rhonda, not wanting my baby because I didn’t have the father? Abortion was still an option because I had time, but I knew I could never go through with it and be able to face God or Granny.

  After I sat for a while trying to think, my anger began to subside, the pain started to settle in, and the tears came a flowing. I know I told Shaun I didn’t care what he did or who he did, but the reality was I couldn’t bear the thought of him being with someone other than me. I have been with Shaun for three years. I could not imagine ever being without him. The pain I felt was horrible. No one could have ever made me believe that my man was capable of causing me this kind of agony.

  I tried again to clear my head and think about our relationship, about how much I thought it meant to Shaun. As I tried to rationalize it, the whole thing just became more and more bizarre.

  As I sat in our living room wallowing in broken-hearted misery, I went over the scene at Patricia’s house again. Thinking things through more clearly, I realized I didn’t have any proof Shaun was actually cheating. Everything that led me to my conclusion was based on what all the lawyer dramas call circumstantial evidence.

  In all honesty, I had a pretty flimsy case. When using my head instead of my heart, I recognized Shaun’s reaction to my showing up on his mother’s doorstep made perfect sense. It wasn’t like I was a frequent visitor to Patricia’s. And why on earth couldn’t Keva be Francine’s friend that Shaun was simply being nice to by giving her a ride home? But if all that were indeed the case, why did Patricia act so guilty?

  My confusion only served to make me more upset. What I needed was solid proof. I needed to talk to Keva directly, just flat out ask her if she and Shaun were having an affair. Okay, so now I had a solution. What I didn’t have was any idea how I was supposed to go about instituting my plan. I had no way of knowing how to get in touch with Keva. I could casually ask Tameeka about Keva tomorrow on our way home from school, acting as if I were simply curious about Francine’s friend and not trying to find out if she knew anything about her and Shaun seeing each other. But even as dumb as she is, she would get suspicious. Besides, I’m sure Patricia will instruct her to keep her mouth closed after today’s incident.

  It was times like these when I missed my best friend the most. I hated that Shyanne was away at school instead of just a hop, skip, and jump away. I knew Shyanne’s thought on the prospect of Shaun’s cheating, but I still needed her input. Besides, I needed to tell her about the pregnancy. I decided to give her a call.

  Shyanne stayed in a dormitory on campus. She didn’t have a private telephone in her room, nor did she have a cell phone, so I had to reach her on the pay phone a few doors down from her room. Nine out of every ten times I dialed the number, I got a busy signal because someone else was on the phone. Tonight, however, the phone rang straight away. God knew how much I needed my girl.

  “Hello,” said the perky voice answering the phone.

  “Hello. May I speak with Shyanne Kennedy in room 312, please?”

  “Sure. I’ll check to see if she’s in her room.”

  Three other females picked up the phone to see if anyone was using it before Shyanne came on the line.

  “This is Shy. Talk to me.”

  The moment I heard her voice I burst into tears again. I couldn’t control myself. I began to weep and sob like a baby. I scared poor Shyanne half to death.

  “Nay-Nay, what’s wrong? Did something happen to your mother or your grandmother? Did something happen to my mother or father? Is Kevin all right?”

  As usual, Shyanne was firing the questions a hundred miles a minute, but this time her barrage was warranted. I calmed myself as best I could and then tried to calm her by giving her a complete rundown of today’s events. After my explanation, I began to cry again as I waited for Shyanne to go into her I-told-you-so speech. To my surprise, she was patient and extremely comforting.

  “It’s okay, Nay. You go ahead and cry. Get it all out. Even though I’m not right there, I’ll wrap my hands around this phone and we can pretend I’m holding on to you until you are all done crying.”

  I didn’t bother questioning the change in her. I just took advantage of the moment and cried until I felt there were no more tears left. Once the well had run dry, I asked Shyanne for her advice. Again, I was pleasantly surprised by what she had to say.

  “Listen, Nay. What you said about jumping to conclusions makes sense to me. You’re probably reacting to your hormones. I know I have given you a hard time about trusting in Shaun’s fidelity, but you have ignored me. I’m sure you had good reason. You know your man.”

  Okay, who was this person and what had she done with my best friend? I was so blown back by Shyanne’s attitude that I took the phone away from my ear, staring at it like it was some foreign object.

  “Shy, are you taking Sensitivity 101 or something?” With that I smiled for the first time all day. Shy chuckled a little too.

  “Nay, I want you to know something else also. Even if it turns out that Shaun did cheat, it doesn’t have to mean the end of a three-year relationship. You two could work this out. Nobody’s perfect. God says we are to forgive. I say it’s okay too.”

  “I don’t know if I could do it, Shy. Shaun is away from home too much for me not to be able to trust him totally. Then on the flip side, what if I do forgive him, we have this baby, and he does it again? I’ll be stuck raising a baby by myself because I could never forgive him again. I could never even speak to him again.”

  I don’t know where I drew the moisture from, but the tears started to re-fall. This time I was a little more controlled. Shyanne was able to talk over my misery.

  “First of all, you would never be stuck raising a baby alone no matter what happens between you and Shaun. I am always going to be there for you. I’m sure both your mother and your grandmother would too. The baby will never want or need anything. Secondly, what makes you think Shaun wouldn’t take care of his baby? He’s taking care of Sha’Ron and he and the Hungry Hippo aren’t together anymore.”

  She was silly, but she was absolutely right. Shaun would never abandon any baby he fathered. He had told me that on more than one occasion. I just wished I were as sure about this other part of our dilemma.

  “Do you need me to come home tonight?”

  “No, that’s okay. I’ll be all right until you get here on Friday.”

  “Are you sure? I only have one class tomorrow and one class Friday morning. I could easily make up both of them.”

  “As much as I appreciate your offer, Shyanne, I can’t accept. I don’t want you missing classes over what could turn out to be nothing. Besides, I have two classes tomorrow. Unlike you, I can’t afford to miss one second of class, let alone a whole session.”

  Shyanne and I talked for a few more minutes, then I heard Shaun sticking his key in the front door. This was the earliest he had been home in a long time. I guess the scene today really shook him up; either that or Keva put him out early.

  “Shy, Shaun is coming in the door right now. I’ll talk to you when I see you Friday. I love you.” I hung up before she had a chance to reply.

&nbs
p; I sat on the couch waiting for Shaun to come in like a child awaiting punishment from a parent after they come home from work. At first I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. I was not the one with some explaining to do. Then I realized it was the explanation itself that had me so paranoid. I dreaded the thought of hearing any deception in Shaun’s voice.

  Shaun came in the house and straight to the couch. He sat down and immediately starting trippin’ on me. “Lindsay, what is up with you? Why in the world would you suddenly start accusing me of cheating? Not only that, you just flat out went off on me about my mother. She hadn’t done anything to you. Then you leave me stranded, not caring if I made it back to my mother’s or not. I know you’ve had problems with me being gone a lot, but today your actions were way out of line.”

  “Shaun, I’m pregnant.”

  Shaun looked at me like I had grown another head. His mouth fell wide open. Then he closed his eyes and began shaking his head like he felt sorry for me. I didn’t quite understand his patronizing attitude until he spoke again.

  “I can’t believe this, Lindsay. You are pulling out the oldest trick in the book. Sweetie, it’s not necessary for you to tell me you’re pregnant so I’ll stick around. I’m not going anywhere.”

  My first instinct was to go ballistic. Just straight up act a fool on him. But something inside me quelled my anger and I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Considering the way I blurted my statement, combined with all the events of the day, he did have reason to think I was trying to trap him.

  “Shaun, I’m not playing silly games with you. That is the whole reason I showed up on your mother’s doorstep unannounced. In the mix up of everything that happened afterward, I forgot to tell you I was pregnant.”

  Shaun gave me that two-headed stare again, then suddenly reached across the sofa and pulled me into his arms. This was the first time in quite some time that we shared this kind of closeness between us. Our embrace, again, brought on the tears. I never knew one human was capable of producing so much water.

  “Wow! I can’t believe my little Lindsay is pregnant.”

  “Yeah, I’m six weeks along. The nurse at the clinic said I could safely abort up through the entire first trimester, which is up to twelve weeks. I have to be honest with you, Shaun. I was seriously considering doing just that. I was so unsure about what was going on between you and Keva. I didn’t want to get stuck raising a baby by myself.”

  “Well, I’m not going anywhere, lady. And even on the off chance something did happen between us, I can’t believe you would think I would not help you support my baby. I’m still taking care of Sha’Ron, right?”

  “That’s the same thing Shyanne said.”

  “I guess this has been a true test of our relationship. Look at us. We came through with flying colors. I love you, Lindsay. You are the only woman I want to be with. Although I wasn’t expecting to be a father again just now, I’m happy about the baby. So there will be no more talk about abortion, okay?”

  I assured Shaun I wouldn’t talk about it anymore, but I was speaking more for myself than him. After talking with Shyanne, my grandmother and now Shaun, I knew I wouldn’t be alone in raising our child.

  But even as he held me now, with all of his reassuring words, I still felt uneasy. For all of his talk of loving the baby and me being his one and only, he never once said he was not cheating on me.

  Chapter Twelve

  July 1996

  “Can you see that, Mrs. Westbrook? It looks like you are going to have a little baby girl in just over four months.” The ultrasound tech was grinning from ear to ear as she announced the gender of my baby. “Did you and your husband want a girl?”

  Why do some people always assume you’re married just because you’re pregnant? “It really doesn’t matter as long as the baby is healthy. By the way, it is Miss Westbrook. My boyfriend and I are not married.” I knew I was being testy, but I couldn’t help myself. She got on my nerves with her assumption.

  The technician was clearly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, dear. I hope I didn’t offend you. At any rate, your daughter is growing right on schedule, and everything looks normal. You can get dressed now. I’m all done here. Just make sure you stop by the reception desk on your way out to make your next appointment with your OB.” She gave me a friendly smile as she left me alone to get dressed.

  After making my appointment, I considered looking for the tech to offer her my apology. I had no cause to be nasty with her. I should have actually been flattered that she thought I was responsible enough to be married before getting myself knocked up. Perhaps my spiritual light still shined despite my unethical behavior. The technician could probably still see in me what I had been neglecting for the past few years. And as further evidence of my lack of fellowship with God, I go and take out my frustration with Shaun on an innocent woman. I felt so guilty.

  I had come to each of my previous prenatal appointments alone with the exception of my very first one; and it was my mother who accompanied me to that one. Shaun promised me after each visit he missed that he would make it to the next one. But at the last minute, something would always come up. Because he was anxious to find out the sex of our child, I was sure he would move heaven and earth to be present at this ultrasound. Yet, two hours before our scheduled time, Shaun got a call from good old Uncle Bobby.

  “Lindsay, honey, I’m so sorry. Uncle Bobby just told me about a meeting with some major players in the game. Now you know I really want to go with you for the ultrasound, but I just can’t miss this meeting. It is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. This could be the break I need to push my plan of getting out of the game and into a legitimate enterprise ahead that much sooner.”

  Whatever! I had heard the speech about getting out of the drug business and into a legal business more times than I cared to count. I was starting to doubt that Shaun would ever give up his position in his uncle’s organization. He loved the power and the money too much. I was pissed at him for putting his work ahead of the baby, and yet again, I had no problem telling him so.

  “Shaun, I’m so sick and tired of everything and everybody coming before me and the baby. What I want or need is never a priority with you. No matter what we’ve planned, if Uncle Bobby calls, all bets are off for us. I’m tired of competing with your family. We have a baby on the way, and you need to start making some hard choices right now about who and what comes first in your life.”

  But as usual, he tried to turn it around and make it all my fault. “What do you mean, Lindsay? Every hour of work I put in, every deal I’m involved with, and every dollar I clock is done for the benefit of you, Sha’Ron, and my unborn child. I just bought you a brand new Jeep so that you will have more room for you and the baby. Now you have two cars while most of your friends are still riding the forty-seater. Every single weekend, you’re out shopping. You have clothes stuffed in every closet of this townhouse. The baby already has more stuff than I have ever owned and he/she hasn’t even been born yet. Please don’t have me remind you of the three jewelry boxes you own. So you tell me, Lindsay. If I’m not doing this for you and the baby, then who am I doing it for?”

  After his little tirade, he got angry and left without giving me a chance to tell him how unimportant all the stuff was. Yes, I appreciated everything Shaun did for me, but he refused to try and understand how much more he and the baby meant to me. I wanted us to be a family, to spend time together as a family. At the rate things were currently going, Shaun would never get to truly know his daughter.

  Well, forget him. I guess the baby’s godmother would be the first to know that it’s a girl since Daddy Dearest couldn’t find the time in his schedule to put us first. Thank goodness Shyanne was home for summer vacation.

  “Girl, even though your belly is poking out like a little watermelon, I’m still having a hard time believing you’re going to be somebody’s mama; me somebody’s godmother.”

  “Well, get used to it, Auntie Shy, because in
just four and a half months, we will be on diaper duty,” I said as I bit into cheeseburger number two. Shy and I were having lunch at Kerby’s Coney Island in Fairlane Mall.

  “We? Who said anything about me changing funky diapers?”

  “You did, remember? And I quote: ‘I will be there for you every step of the way, helping in any way that I can.’ That covers everything from two A.M. feedings to college tuition.”

  “Dang! Me and my big mouth.” We both laughed because we already knew Shyanne would almost be as much of a mother to my daughter as I would.

  “Well, since I have to put in so much work, I feel I should have a say-so in naming the little brat. What about naming her after her Uncle Kevin and calling her Devin? I think that is so pretty.”

  “Pump your brakes, home girl. There is no way I would name my daughter after my brother. In case you have forgotten, my brother Kevin is named after our father, so my daughter will not be called Devin, because I wouldn’t name a cactus after that man.” Suddenly, I was not hungry anymore. The mere mention of my father depleted my appetite. I balled up my napkin and threw it in my plate as I made a disgusted face.

  “I’m sorry, Nay-Nay. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to upset you.” As close as Shyanne and I were, we never ever discussed my father. It was like an unwritten rule. The topic of my dad was off limits. Shyanne never pushed the issue.

  “Don’t worry about it.You know I don’t sweat him not being a part of my life,” I said quickly, then I changed the subject. “I like the name Shauntae. I think it’s so cute when little girls are named after their fathers. Or I could do a combination thing like Rhonda did when she named Sha’Ron. What do you think about LinShaun or Shaunsay?”

  It was now Shyanne’s turn to make the crazy face. “I think you should stick with Shauntae. Let’s get out of here. I should beat you unconscious for even letting anything as stupid as those two names leave your lips.” We both fell out laughing as I put the money on the table for the bill and made ready to leave.