His Woman, His Wife, His Widow Page 11

  After leaving the emergency room, I followed Shaun to a cozy motel in Redford on Telegraph Avenue. Shaun went in to the front office and checked us in while I sat in the car trying to relax after my stressful evening. When Shaun returned, he informed me that room 117 would be our little love nest for the next seven days. As soon as we were inside the room, I used the telephone to call Shyanne and give her the full lowdown on what happened between my mother and me, and I let her know where I was for the time being.

  That initial week was like a honeymoon, minus the benefit of marriage. However, not once during that time did I feel the slightest bit of guilt about shacking with Shaun. I knew in my heart that God was not pleased with our current living situation, but my mind told me that I had no other choice. Shaun was my world, and I just could not go back to living at my mama’s if it meant giving him up. I relied heavily on God’s grace and mercy during that week.

  Our first seven days as common-law husband and wife were perfect. Shaun was allowed to take the entire week off from working with Uncle Bobby. We ate dinner at a fancy restaurant every evening and had breakfast at a nearby diner every morning. During the days, we shopped, went to the movies, and found other entertaining ways to hang out with Shyanne and Antonio. Shaun and I spent each and every moment together. We awoke and fell asleep each day in each other’s arms. It was as if we were experiencing our own taste of heaven right here on earth. I felt like God couldn’t possibly have been against our arrangement because everything was working out so perfectly.

  Reality set in the following week because it was time for me to go back to school. Shaun said I needed someplace more stable to live while I attended school, but he wasn’t yet in the financial position to get us our own place. What he said made perfect sense. I felt incredibly stupid for not thinking about my own future with any clarity. I was so happy to be with Shaun, I couldn’t think for one second past the second we were in.

  When Shaun interjected the reality check, I decided to call Granny. She always understood my relationship with Shaun. However, when I talked to her on the phone about my situation, giving her my side of the story—of course she already had Mama’s side—she would not let me move in with her.

  “Under the circumstances, Nay, it would be wrong for me to interfere. If I let you stay with me, I would be undermining your mother’s authority. I have no right to do that. I could only let you stay here if you agreed not to see Shaun anymore.”

  I tried explaining that if I agreed to that I may as well go back home. Of course Granny thought that would be the perfect solution.

  “Your mama was very upset, but she is still willing to let you come back as long as you do what she says. That is the name of the game. When you live under someone else’s roof, you have to follow their rules. Your mama loves you, baby girl. She only wants what’s best for you. Is it true that your boyfriend is a drug dealer?”

  I didn’t bother confirming or denying Granny’s question. I simply said, “Granny, I love Shaun. So I can’t go back home.” Needless to say, I didn’t end up at my granny’s house.

  Staying at Shyanne’s entered my mind, but only for a second. I never even bothered to verbalize the thought. I was sure that Mama T and Mr. Kennedy would be of the same opinion as Granny.

  Shaun told me that he had a solution, but he was sure I wasn’t going to like it. He explained that it was the only thing we could do for the time being. He suggested I move in with him at his mother’s house.

  I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to fix his face to say that to me. At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, but when I looked at him I could tell he was dead serious. How could he make such a suggestion? Had he not already had one too many girlfriends live with him at his mother’s house? And speaking of his ex, was she not a constant visitor to the house? Oh, and let’s not forget the fact I think his mother hates me. How was I supposed to deal with all of that? But as usual, Shaun had everything clearly thought through, as if he had been thinking about it the entire week.

  “Lindsay, my mother doesn’t hate you. Once the two of you spend some time together, you will learn to be more comfortable around each other. I can’t change the fact that Rhonda once lived with me at my mother’s house. I can, however, control the time she spends there now. I will work out an arrangement with her that would allow Sha’Ron to visit with her at her home. That way she won’t have any legitimate reason to come to our home. I should have done this before, but the necessity was never there. Now it is. I love you, and I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

  Once Shaun went over all of his plans in detail, I really had no choice but to go along with him. Shaun had given me no reason to distrust him thus far. Nor did I have any other options for a place to lay my head. So again, I put my faith in my man and let him lead me into my new home.

  During our time at Patricia’s, Shaun and I lived primarily in the basement. He purchased an inexpensive living room set and added it to the big screen television already there. He also bought an entirely new bedroom outfit and a mini-refrigerator. The only time I had to venture into the upper part of the house was to use the bathroom. Very rarely did we have meals at the house, and when we did, Shaun prepared our food separately from the household and we would eat in the basement.

  I did my best not to be a nuisance to his mother and sisters. I would get up an hour earlier than everyone else to get ready for school, making sure I would not be in their way when they got up. I also took a part-time job after school to avoid being there as much as possible. I began working at Mrs. Fields Cookie Shop in Fairlane Mall one week after moving in with Shaun and company.

  In the entire time I have lived here, I have had no more than four or five conversations with Ms. Taylor, none being more than ten minutes long. Three days after I moved in, she called me upstairs to lay down the rules of her house.

  Rule number one: “You are to address me as Patricia. Not Ms. Taylor and definitely not Mama. Ms. Taylor is my mother, and I don’t need any more children than I already have,” she said.

  Rule number two: “You and Shaun have to get your own telephone line. I don’t want your mother calling my house bugging me about how you’re doing or talking to me about you at all. I don’t want your friends calling my phone. Get your own phone.”

  Rule number three: “I don’t want you running around here acting like you’re Sha’Ron’s mama. He has a mama. I don’t need no mess started in my house ’cause Rhonda mad about you being around her baby.”

  Her final and most important rule: “Don’t even think about bringing another baby into the house. I ain’t trying to be your mama like I said before, so I could care less if you get pregnant or not. You just ain’t bringing the baby into this house to live.”

  Needless to say, we never grew close as Shaun hoped we would. Patricia was more than content with me staying in our dungeon.

  Truthfully, I had no problems with any of his mother’s rules. Number one: I didn’t see her often enough to call her anything. Number two: Shaun had a phone installed in the basement right after I moved in. Number three: I am hardly ever in the house, so I rarely get to see the baby, let alone act like his mother. The only time I see Sha’Ron is when Shaun brings him into the basement to hang out with us. Shaun is home even less than I am, so I don’t get to spend enough time with Sha’Ron for Rhonda to get the least bit upset. Most important rule: Being anybody’s mother right now is a definite no-no. I have been on the pill since shortly after Shaun and I started having sex, and we used condoms prior to that.

  The biggest drawback to Shaun and me living together has been that I see less of Shaun now than I did when I lived with my mother. During the first couple of months, things were cool. When I would get out of school I would go straight to work on the days I was scheduled. Shaun made it his business to come by the cookie store each day. When I would get to the house after work, he would be there waiting to either go out to eat or he would have dinner prepared. On the days I
was not scheduled to work, Shaun would insist that I leave the Thunderbird at home and he would drive me to and from school.

  Then out of nowhere our time together was cut very short. One night while we were out, Shaun told me Uncle Bobby was giving him more responsibility, which would mean a lot more money. It also meant that a lot more of his time would be required.

  Last month Shaun had to go to Florida for three days to conduct business on his uncle’s behalf. That was the first time that he left me overnight. It also happened to be the same weekend of my senior prom. Shaun had explained to me how important this opportunity was for him and the advancement of his career with Uncle Bobby. It would mean big dollars for him. Though he never said exactly how much money this particular opportunity would generate, he did say it would go a long way toward us getting our own place. He then promised me that by my eighteenth birthday we would have our own fully furnished place together.

  Under the circumstances, I was willing to miss my prom. It was more important for me to get out of Patricia’s house as soon as possible. Shyanne, being the wonderful best friend that she is, agreed to miss the prom as well. Her reasoning was she had the opportunity to attend the prom last year, and our own prom would not be any fun for her if I were not there.

  Antonio, who by now had started working for Shaun, found no fault in not having to take Shyanne to the prom. He used the opportunity to visit his father in Flint. So that left Shyanne and me without our men for three days. We decided to spend those three days together.

  I felt very uncomfortable sleeping in Patricia’s house while Shaun was away so I called Granny to arrange it so that Shyanne and I could spend the weekend with her. At first she was leery, but she soon concluded that our visit would be harmless, no more drama than when I would spend the night with her while I lived with Mama. She definitely stressed that it could be no longer than the weekend. Shyanne and I now had to convince her parents to go for it.

  Mr. and Mrs. Kennedy were always fond of my granny, but they were too through with me for choosing Shaun, who was not my husband, over my mother. Mrs. Kennedy reminded me every time she saw me that the Bible says that we are always to honor our parents, and since my mother was the only parent I had, I should have given her a double portion of honor. I knew Shyanne’s parents still loved me, but they had no problem telling me how disappointed they and God were in me with regards to my living with Shaun. While I loved and respected the Kennedys as if they were my own parents, I let them know that Shaun was my life. Ultimately it took Granny to convince the Kennedys to let Shyanne hang out with me for the weekend.

  With the exception of missing my man terribly, our weekend was perfect. We ate out every night, we shopped a little, we went to the movies, and we even got Granny to go roller skating with us. It was so cool. My brother joined us at the movies and the skating rink. Though I saw Kevin regularly at school, I still missed his big-headed butt.

  At the end of our weekend, as Shyanne and I prepared to leave Granny’s apartment, Granny called me into her bedroom for a talk. I was almost positive of what she wanted to talk about, but I went into the room to let her have her say.

  “Nay-Nay, I want to start by saying that while I was totally against you leaving your mama’s house and moving in with Shaun, I am proud of you for getting yourself a job and staying in school the way you have and maintaining your grades. Most young ladies leave home, quit school and end up pregnant not even ninety days out the door. The way you are handling yourself in those areas is very mature.” This was not the speech expected, but I liked where she was going with it.

  “But, honey,” I should have known there was going to be a but, “I also want you to see things from your mama’s point of view. Sherrie raised you and your brother all by herself when your daddy left. For the entire thirteen years after his departure, you listened to her, followed her rules, respected her and turned out just fine without the help of a man. Then in just a matter of months, you threw a great deal of her hard work out the window because of a man. Even the behavior I complimented you on is a result of the way your mama raised you. You were raised in a Christian home, and you maintained Christian values until you met Shaun.

  “Now I’m not judging you, Nay. The way you are living right now is between you and God. I just want you to try and understand why your mama was so upset by your relationship with Shaun. And I believe I can even touch on why you are so obsessed with Shaun.”

  I already knew why Mama disagreed with me seeing Shaun. She was still disgruntled about her failed relationship with Daddy. But I figured I would give Granny the benefit of my respect, and listen to her. Besides, I was interested to know why she described my feelings for Shaun as obsession.

  “Sherrie was not pleased when your daddy left the way he did, but she wasn’t as devastated as everybody thought she was. It really came as no surprise to her when he up and left without a word. Your daddy had not been an active participant in their marriage from day one. My daughter made the money, paid the bills, and took care of the household. Kevin Sr. was simply a part of a romantic fantasy your mother had in her heart. Sherrie wanted the perfect family, the husband and wife, the son and daughter. From the outside looking in, she had it all.

  “See, your mama was raised right, just like you were. Your granddaddy and I taught her to be an independent woman. We never wanted her to believe that she had to have a man to be happy. A man was only to be a part of her life if she wanted him to be, not because she needed him to be. So the fantasy only remained in her head. In her heart she knew Kevin was not a good husband. And though he never physically hurt you or your brother, he was not a good father either.

  “Sherrie let Kevin Sr. stay as long as she did because she wanted what your granddaddy and I had. She wanted a man she could lean on. Someone she knew would lay down his life for his children. But your daddy, the frog, never turned into her Prince Charming. When your daddy finally did leave, it bought more relief than grief to your mama.”

  I sat there listening as Granny talked, her words penetrating my skin like grape juice on the white Thanksgiving Day tablecloth. I always assumed that my father’s abandonment devastated my mother. While Granny continued, I listened with a whole new curiosity.

  “Sweetheart, what I’m trying to say is it’s wrong for you to think your mama doesn’t want you to be with Shaun because of her failed marriage. Your mama was worried about what the relationship was doing to you.

  “Whether you realize it or not, you were becoming too dependent on Shaun to make you happy. You began to lose yourself. Nay-Nay began to disappear. Your mama found out that you would often times skip Bible Study, but she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to force God on you. She figured there was enough of the Lord in your heart to make you return to Him on your own. But things just got worse. You hear about this type of thing happening all the time on talk shows and in magazines.”

  I didn’t understand exactly what my granny was talking about when she said this type of thing was on all the talk shows. Before I had a chance to voice my confusion, she continued talking.

  “Now you have gotten in so deep. Not only are you dependent on him for your happiness, you have become financially dependent on him. What if he decides he doesn’t want you anymore? Then what are you going to do? Where will you be then? You know you can’t take care of yourself with a part-time job at the mall. You have given Shaun all the power. You have put God somewhere on the back burner and you’ve made Shaun the most important person in your life. You have made Shaun your god.”

  Granny’s words hit me like a bucket of ice cold water. I had put all of my faith and trust in Shaun without even thinking about the consequences of my actions. But isn’t that what a woman is supposed to do when she loves a man? Isn’t she supposed to trust him without question?

  “Granny, I heard you loud and clear, but I don’t quite understand it all. Doesn’t loving Shaun mean I’m supposed to trust him? Didn’t you trust granddaddy to take care
of you and Mama?”

  Granny closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if she were getting exasperated with me. “Nay-Nay, your granddaddy was my husband. God had sanctified and solidified our commitment to one another. Being married to a man gives you favor with God. It also gives you rights and privileges you are not entitled to when you are just shacking up and fornicating.”

  What Granny said started to make sense now. I began to understand her concern for me. But what she didn’t understand was I didn’t choose to be in this position with Shaun. I was backed into a corner with the only available option being to give up the man I love, the only man I’ll ever love. I was not willing to do that.

  “Granny, I appreciate you being worried about me doing things the way I am with Shaun. When I left Mama’s house, I was too young to get married, and I know there was no way she was going to give me her permission to marry him. I’ll be eighteen in two months, Granny, and Shaun has promised me that we will have our own place by then. I’m sure that we will get married soon afterward. I mean, our relationship is going great, so marriage is the obvious next step.”

  “While Shaun was promising to continue to keep a roof over your head, did he actually promise to marry you too?”

  I didn’t answer Granny right away, and knowing me as well as she did, she took that to mean my answer was no.

  “Nay-Nay, things are just so messed up these days. The world will have you thinking that God’s will is unimportant. And men today are spoiled and pampered. They don’t know a thing about responsibility because so many of them are raised in homes run by mothers, and they become accustomed to being taken care of by women. Or they think that if they do go as far as to provide for a woman and move her in, then he is the king of her world, and that should be enough.”